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Two disclaimers to start this one off.
The last one was too fucking long, so Ben I love you, but this is going to be shorter.
Two I think Ben and Jo’s teams are in the same boat and either could make the playoffs or just miss them. To me these two teams are clearly better than the bottom and clearly will need a small miracle to beat the top five teams. Fun fact the brothers Pacha play each other in Week 1
Note: As the 2025 offseason paper champ, I fully suspect that my team will be the one that these guys beat.
Fuck this is getting long already, um….what about Ben. He was the funniest guy on our podcast and that’s saying a lot because I was on there. He loves making fun of people for committing crimes and having more children that he believes they should have. DON’T FORCE YOUR STANDARDS ON ME!
Huge SpaceX fan.
Ben’s Team: Tyreek’s Two-Dozen Kids.
It’s good, but just not THAT good. I look at this team and think, alright this guy has got a chance then I look at the top five teams and go….oh, oh god no, no he doesn’t.
I think it is the lack of super star power. Every position is strong (well maybe not one) but none shine like Kanye West.
Strengths
It’s really two names. One a fading star and one a star still to reach its full power (hope you like this star analogy because I’m gonna ride it).
Derrick Henry, he’s going to be good, but god dammit he’s got to start slippin one of these fucking years. I’ve been betting on it like a fool for 3 year. I don’t think he will fall off the cliff this year, but he’s not going to be a super nova for fantasy points.
Malik Nabors, I love this cat. He is a red super giant of a star, but his light is just now reaching us here on earth and we aren’t quite getting the full blast in the face like Mike does to himself when he goes to trivia night and two of the categories are Star Wars and Harry Potter. We won’t get the full Nabor’s load (of light) this year, not like the load Andy paints himself with when he posts his bench press stats on SmallWienerHugePecks.com.
All jokes aside this is Ben’s single super star, and my guess is starting next year and for the next 5 we are talking about Chase, JJ and Nabors as the best bets to finish #1 overall.
His other strength is his draft pick position, he has a lot, the 2nd best in the league.
I’m also going to mention his QBs here. I love Dak this year, and Purdy is not my guy, but I think that might be a me problem. I think this year tells the tale for Brock. It’s not great but it’ll do pig.
End of Strengths.
Areas of Focus
It’s clearly RB. He should be good this year, but his starting RB age is 45.3 (don’t look it up). So, into the future, Tyreek’s Kids need to draft RBs.
In fact, it’s good that Ben does have a lot of picks because most of his team has started getting emails from AARP. He is one of only two teams with an average age of 27 or higher.
KTC likes his TEs as well, but I’m very concerned about Mark Andrews this year and super-duper concerned about him next year, which is why I sold him to Ben (devil horns).
The Path Forward
Like Lil’Wayne said “Y’all too plain (Plane), I’m a fucking helicopter”. Ben is trying to fly with the big boys in the league this year and like a helicopter he just isn’t going to be able to keep up.
He’s right there and I think getting stronger with a solid base and really good picks.
This is a stance I feel like I could look back on with shame in a few months, but No Ragrets, get bodied Ben!
Jared’s prediction: 8-6, finishes in 7th place and misses the playoffs by having fewer
“points for” than his brother, huge family rift is started. Leads league in running some joke about player crime into the ground. -
Jo made a lot of big splashy trades this off season. He acquired Breece Hall, so that time share with Braylen Allen isn’t a great thing. He got Nico Collins, so that hammy he’s dealing with ain’t no good (I love Nico BT dubs). He got rid of a couple picks for Jeudy and Jamo, and since he got them there’s been a super steady positive drum beat for both dudes. Finally, he gave away RhMANdre Stevenson for a 2027 2nd (Sorry I fell asleep typing out that last trade). He also drafted Quinshon “she deserved it” Judkins, which could be a problem if he never signs an NFL contract (update, looks like he will).
So overall a lot of work went into this offseason, do we think it paid off?
(Please note: She most certainly did not.)
Strengths
I think Kittle is going to crush this season with the absence of Debo and Aiyuk.
So now let’s talk WR room. I like it. He has a clear top 5 WR leading the pack and needs either Jameson or Worthy to step up to be a top end #2 WR and needs Jeudy or Jennings to step up and be a top end #3. I think the chances are very good that these things happen.
This team is also pretty young at 25.9 yo on average. They will, however, be getting older and older over the next few years (see below).
Areas of Focus
I’ll talk about QB room here in the “areas of focus” section not because they are terrible, they are just about as meh as it gets. I doubt Baker is as good as last year and Jo better pray to the fantasy gods that Herbert is better than he was.
Think I sold Herbert to Jo years ago, feeling good about that trade. I could also be making that up and as usual I will not be doing any simple research to see if it is true.
The real problem Taylor’s To-do has this year is the RB room. If you squint hard and are a dumb algorithm like the KTC machine, then you can get them to average, but I’m not buying it.
I think Hall is still an asset, but for this year he’s going to be splitting too much to be a top 12 maybe even 20 back. Judkins……..idiot. Then you have Tank Bigsby in what looks like a 3 headed backfield and while I like Spears, he’s hurt and was never more than a flex. So that leaves Jaylen “I’m the definition of league average” Warren to step into that #2 RB role, and I just don’t think it’s enough to push this team into a deep playoff run.
(Update: looks like Judkins will not get charged and will sign a contract…..the room is still average, but not AS average).
Finally, KTC hates Taylor’s To-do’s draft stock, ranking them a 12 out of 12. I’d like to be positive here and say it isn’t that bad….but I think its 12th with a bullet.
The Path Forward
Like Outkast spit “True happiness is not acquired, and you won’t find it on sale”. I think Talyor’s To-do is a playoff team. But as you start to look at the “haves” in this league I think he is still a ways off from a true contender for the title. Likely he needs to use some depth pieces to build up equity for one or two super stars, but like Outkast says it won’t be on sale.
This is the first team so far that if the stars align, could get to that championship game, and once there, Bob’s your uncle.
However, this reporter won’t be betting on it.
Jared’s prediction: 8-6, finishes in 6th place and makes playoffs by having more
“points for” than his brother, huge family rift is started. Leads league in begging for draft picks. -
Todd is a guy, probably a good guy, I’ll never find out. As we all know, trade talks are the best way to get to know a new friend (some say the only way), and here are how all my trade talks with Todd go:
Me: Here’s a fair trade
Todd: No
//End trade talk//
Other things I maybe know about him or at least made up in my head. He lives on the corner in Andy’s neighborhood, he’s a better golfer than Espo, and was somewhat of an athlete in the before time, in the long long ago. Now he’s working hard to stay in tier 2 of the Tega Cay rec kickball league. Getting old is a bitch.
Anyway, thanks Todd for taking over an orphaned team and being an active (just not for my trades) member of the league!
Now, here is my terrible analysis of your team.
Todd’s Team: Happy Hour Heroes.
Does Todd know that you have to have WRs to play this game? Given the PPR nature of this league it seems an odd position to punt, yet here we are. Say hey Zay Flowers and the fat ghost of Deebo Samuel lead the WR core. Then there is um….well…I guess Mims will catch a couple passes? Luckily for HHH it does get better from there, with a potentially great QB room and a top-heavy RB room. Let’s go deeper.
Strengths
Like I said, we could be looking back at the end of the season saying that Todd has the best QB room in the league. No one would be surprised if Jayden Daniels followed up his rookie super star season with another top 5 or better finish. And don’t nobody sleep on my boy, the man that brought the national title home to the Maize and Blue, lil’baby faced JJ McCarthy. I honestly think right now he is better than Sam Darnold and will give Skol fans more with his legs than you might think. My guess is that Todd has a top 4 and a top 12 QB when all is said and done. Finally, let’s not forget about Aaron Rodgers. On second thought, let’s.
He has also recently upgraded his RB room with a questionable trade to acquire Chase Brown. I mean, I can’t get a response for a trade, but selling the kitchen sink for a 5th round RB, that’s the right move?
Saltiness aside, regardless of how he got them, starting both Brown and Taylor is a strong RB duo and with Cam “The Man” Skattebo waiting in the wings he could be good to go.
His team also got younger with this trade, so I guess overall pretty good.
Areas of Focus
KeepTradeCut hates his TEs, Kincaid and Njoku, but I’m onboard, they won’t win it for him but aren’t a liability.
Have I mentioned his WRs are straight trash homie? That’s going to need to be the focus and I’m not sure how many bullets he has left to fire.
The Path Forward
Like Lil’Dicky said “Our plans fell through and we in bad moods”. That’s my concern for HHH. He’s made some moves, but will it be enough? In a league of haves and have nots, being in the middle is like kissing Shimer’s sister, it’s fun to try but there’s no real benefit in it. While I think with luck Todd could push into the playoff hunt, the real play here is to get some picks and play for next year.
Jared’s prediction: 7-7*, finishes in 8th place. Leads league in making me question if I’m shouting into the void.
*Unless he tanks.
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The brave leader on the cock shuttle is Kevin. Kevin is a lawyer. Despite that, he has never offered to draft our league constitution into a proper legal document, which I think is pretty fuckin rude.
He has managed to ride his team down from a 2nd place finish a couple of years ago into…..well…
To steal a term from generation Alpha, and with all due respect. This team is mid as fuck.
Let’s deep dive!
Kevin’s Team: Shuttlecocks.
You think I’m being mean with that statement? Bruh. QB ranking 9th (led by Patrick and Trevor), RB ranking 9th (led by, I guess TreVeyon Henderson and um….Travis Etienne? Maybe Tyrone Tracy??), WR ranking 9th (led by JSN (we are all praying for that offense) and Terry “give me dat schmoney” Mclaurin), and TE ranking…..you guessed it, 9th (led by TJ I’ve-hurt my-groin-again-already-enson).
I was being nice saying mid!! I will give him an A+ for consistency.
Strengths
…….
He has no strengths, and honestly most things lean towards a need, like Mike’s need to correct me every time I mention Harry Potter in his presence. Ok dude, Snape IS the hero….fuck I don’t care.
I do like Henderson and though I don’t love rebuilding around an RB, he’s one of few that I would do it with. He’s 22 so the Cocks have a few years to get him some help.
Kidding aside the strength of this team is the number of picks they have. Two 2026 1st and 2nds, Four fucking 2027 1st (holy shit), and two 2nds.
K/T/C has him with the 3rd best picks, but it’s gotta be close.
The future is bright, hopefully the glare doesn’t make the Cocks swerve into a ditch. At least in that case he’d beat the ambulance.
Areas of Focus
In order in my humble opinion – WR, RB, QB, TE. But really, you gotta collect them all.
The Path Forward
Like Jay-Z said “I got 99 problems but bein a bitch aint one”. The Cocks have collected the picks, he’s doing the work, only time will tell if he pulls it all together and turns this thing into a monster.
I kind of envy how much fun all these picks will be over the next couple year.
Jared’s prediction: 5-9*, finishes in 9th place. Leads league in looking up to his younger brother.
*Unless he tanks.
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“Cause I’m Loud and I’m Stroud and I’m ‘bout to get the friction on”. I don’t know Joey. Let me take that back. I know two things about Joey. His team name makes me laugh (point for Joey), and he is the devil.
Whoa Jared that’s harsh, you might say, but is it? Let me present the other thing I know about Joey.
He’s an ohio state university fan.
Can you imagine being a little kid and thinking, man I want to be subpar my whole life, but we all make choices.
I once took a shit in Columbus and a buckeyes fan gave me $20 bucks for raising the property value.
How do you castrate a buckeyes fan? Kick his sister in the mouth.
Ok but seriously, we can’t all be perfect. Someone has to root for the buckeyes.
Alright, I’m done! All of this is said in love and fun! (though I really do hate the buckeyes).
Joey, welcome to the league we are very happy to have you already making strong moves and turning this team back into a contender (prob in two years).
Let’s take a look at how Joey can rebuild this orphaned team in this week’s deep dive!
Joey’s Team: Loud and Stroud.
In my last write-up on Lil’Kyler, I said few teams have made as many moves as he has, well this is one of the teams that has made more. Joey came in on fire, I don’t think I’ve made as many free agent pick-ups in three years as he has this offseason. Of course, the crowning gem in his transaction history to date is selling Joseph P. Burrow and gaining two #1 picks! He’s going to need them to fill in the holes in this team.
Strengths
Again, just like Lil’Kyler, L&S is heavily reliant on young QB play. Caleb Williams, hashtag the savoir, hastag prettynails hashtag please god, has been surrounded with greatness….on paper, will that translate on the field? If not someone else will have to write these deep dives next year… As for Stroud, he’s shown on an NFL field that he can be the man, but injuries and a Swiss cheese O-line derailed his sophomore season, leaving us asking was his rookie year a mirage?
Still, two pretty good shots at a QB 1 is a good start for a rebuild and he’s done some good work in the WR room as well with Egbuka and Burton, two high probability youngsters as the headliners. They aren’t likely to hit this year, though I hear Egbuka is turning heads at Bucks mini-camp like Schneider in his hoochie daddy shorts down at The Man Cave. He also has several vets he can sell to contenders this year if/when they flash.
Then there are the draft picks and damn son, do work! Two 1st round picks in each of the next two years and he still has all of his secondary picks in place as well. L&S is sitting in the best position in the league when it comes to draft picks.
Areas of Focus
This one is pretty easy. I’m not sure L&S has a top 20 RB on his team and his best TEs are older than Shimer. Overall, his team is on the young side (8th in the league at 25.7 years old) and getting younger, so no real concerns there. He could stand to add elite talent at WR or TE and must continue to pray to his tiny tree nut gods that at least one of Caleb or CJ pan out. If both hit, then we could all be in trouble.
The Path Forward
Biggie said, “Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, when I was dead broke man I couldn’t picture this”. It feels to me like L&S is just like Notorious, right in the middle of his come up. He needs a bit of luck but has undoubtedly spit fire so far in his first offseason in the league, but I don’t think a deep run is in the cards this year. Joey needs to stay sharp and make a few more, timely trades. If he does that, we could be looking at a most improved team trophy in his near future.
Jared’s prediction: 4-10*, finishes in 10th place. Leads league in obnoxious THE ohio state chants.
*I should note that like the other two write ups I’ve done this record is likely the result of a tank job. If Joey really wanted to push he could prob find his way to a slightly better record and a slightly worse draft pick.
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Today we continue the League of Incredible Assholes Pre-season Team Deep Dives. So lets take a look at the 11th place team in pre-season power rankings.
Chris 2’s Team: Little Kyler, Big Energy.
Few teams have made as many moves, big and small, this offseason as Lil’Kyler. He traded away Ja’marr Chase, Geno Smith, Mathew Stafford and his 25 and 26 first round picks and has made, I don’t know, about two billion wavier moves. Did he get enough in return for all of those assets going to other teams? The hamsters turning the wheel over at Fantasy Pros do not believe so, giving Lil’Kyler the 11th spot in our pre-season power rankings, but, they’re hamsters, what do they know. Why don’t we take a deeper look.
Strengths
In our league, no team’s success (relative success) may hinge more on a single player than Lil’Kyler. Here’s the bet he has made. If Anothony Richardson can be what we drafted him to be (what I drafted him to be), then this team has a strong starting point and core to build from. If Richardson can become a top 5-10 QB this year, then the starting point of AR, Kyler Murray, and Sam LaPorta, is a strong base from which to build into to next year. However, if Richardson proves once and for all that he “ain’t it” as the kids say, well then, I think you need to start pouring the gasoline and lighting this bisch up like a torch.
I’m going to put draft picks in the “strengths” section, but it’s a bit of a mixed bag. He’s got a lot of them, 8 in the next two years, but probably needs to sell some packages and get back into the first round for next season.
Areas of Focus
Lil’Kyler’s team is exactly in the middle when it comes to age at 26.2, but that’s a bit deceiving. His current starters average about, let me do the math, carry the one….400 years old. His starting WRs average 30 years old so getting young is definitely on the list of “must haves” for this fixer upper. Beyond that, finding top tier talent should be the focus, at least one at RB or WR should help build that strong core for a faster rebuild.
The Path Forward
As DMX said “Stop, drop, shut’em down, open up shop”. Lil’Kyler likely needs to shut down any hopes of making a deep run this year and focus on opening up shop for trades that get him top talent and first round draft picks. Head south young man, head south (in the standing).
Jared’s prediction: 2-12, finishes in 12th place. Leads league transactions for dudes that I didn’t know where dudes in the NFL.
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Welcome to the League of Incredible Assholes Preseason Team Deep Dives.
Before the seasons starts we will (hopefully) be taking a deeper look at each team in the league. We will take a look at their strengths, areas of focus and throw out some, likely terrible, suggestions for their path forward.
Also, I will make fun of each of you. Deal with it.
We will start the series with the low man in the Fantasy Pros power rankings:
Scott’s Team: Throwing Shade for Cade.
As the name indicates, it seems like Scott has a good understanding of where his team is for this year and will likely be focusing on adding a couple of pieces in the draft next year but let’s take a deeper look.
Strengths
Throwing Shade has a potentially strong core to focus around as he builds for the future. There is a lot of excitement for Drake Maye’s sophomore season and the dual threat QB could be a mainstay for many years. I, and about half the league offered trades for the 1.02 this year, most of us because we really like Omarion Hampton and his mix of power and speed. At just 22 years old he will be coming into his prime when this team is set to make a run, if everything fall just right. Finally, don’t sleep on Josh Downs, while he’s a smaller WR at just 5’9” and a buck 71, dude has the skills to be a ball hog if the Colts can ever find someone to throw the ball to him.
Scott’s draft pick situation isn’t bad either, he has all his 1st and is just missing his 2nd round picks for 2026 and 2027.
Areas of Focus
Throwing Shade is a little bit on the older side with the 4th highest average age, sitting at 26.7 years old, behind just Guinness Geniuses, Tyreek’s two-Dozen Kids and DeadEspo Walking. A youth movement is in order for this team as he is clearly one, maybe two years away from competing. Additionally, his WRs behind Downs and Waddle look pretty bleak with an aging and injured Chris Godwin probably the next man up on this WRs core.
The Path Forward
As 2Pac said “Get money, evade bitches, evade tricks and give player haters plenty of space”. Scotty Scotty too Hottie needs them draft picks and another young stud or two (don’t we all), but with a strong core and a little luck he can be in the running by next fantasy season.
Jared’s prediction: 3-11, finishes in 11th place. Leads league in complaints about fumbles.
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2025 Dynasty Fantasy Football Season Preview
The League of Incredible Assholes
As the 2025 season kicks off, the League of Incredible Assholes is shaping up to be as unpredictable as ever. With some teams stacked with talent and others in full-on rebuild mode, there's plenty of drama to come. Here’s a breakdown of the teams, their key players, and what we can expect from them based on the 2025 projections.
1. Young Love
Projected Record: 11-3
Playoff Odds: >99%
Champion Odds: 35%Young Love enters the season as the defending champion, and they’ve got a stacked roster. With Bijan Robinson, Joe Burrow, and Brian Thomas Jr. leading the charge, they’ve got everything they need to make another run at the title. With a projected 11-3 record and overwhelming playoff odds, they’re looking to continue their unlikely success.
2. No Picks No Problems
Projected Record: 10-4
Playoff Odds: >99%
Champion Odds: 17%No Picks No Problems lives by the motto “Who needs picks when you’ve got a bad-ass strategy?” Lamar Jackson leads the charge, with Ladd McConkey and Marvin Harrison Jr. providing solid depth. With over 99% playoff odds, they’ll be a tough team to knock out. Their 17% chance of winning the championship speaks to their potential if everything clicks.
3. Chasing Love
Projected Record: 10-4
Playoff Odds: >99%
Champion Odds: 18%Chasing Love is ready to take it to the next level. With Ja'Marr Chase leading the receiving corps, along with Brock Bowers and Ashton Jeanty providing solid depth, they’re ready to break out. Their projected 10-4 record and a solid chance to go deep, they’re a team to watch for a potential championship run.
4. Guinness Geniuses
Projected Record: 10-4
Playoff Odds: >99%
Champion Odds: 25%Guinness Geniuses always have a strong roster. With Jalen Hurts, CeeDee Lamb, and Amon-Ra St. Brown, they’ve got the talent to go all the way. Their 25% chance of winning the championship shows that they are true contenders this year.
5. Dead AZEspo Walking
Projected Record: 8-6
Playoff Odds: 84%
Champion Odds: 2%With Josh Allen and Justin Jefferson leading the charge, Dead AZEspo Walking is set up for a strong season. They’re projected to make the playoffs with an 84% chance, and while their odds of winning the championship are slim, you’d be crazy to count them out with those two studs on their roster. If they catch fire at the right time, this team could make a surprise run.
6. Tyreek’s Two-Dozen Kids
Projected Record: 7-7
Playoff Odds: 81%
Champion Odds: 2%They may have a .500 projected record, but Tyreek’s Two-Dozen Kids have Malik Nabers, Brock Purdy, and Cam Ward on their roster. With 81% playoff odds, they’ve got a solid chance to sneak into the postseason. The big question is: Can their young talent step up when it matters most? If they can, this team could make a run—but they’ll need more consistency to make a serious push.
7. Taylor’s To-Do List
Projected Record: 5-9
Playoff Odds: 25%
Champion Odds: <1%Taylor’s To-Do List has a solid QB duo in Justin Herbert and Baker Mayfield, but they’ve lacked the depth to be true contenders. Their 25% playoff odds are decent, but the chance to win it all is a long shot. They’ve got the potential, but need some help from the fantasy gods.
8. Happy Hour Heroes
Projected Record: 4-10
Playoff Odds: 5%
Champion Odds: <1%Happy Hour Heroes are underdogs, but Jonathan Taylor at RB always keeps things interesting. If Jayden Daniels and J.J. McCarthy can make an impact at QB, they might just make things a little more exciting. Their 5% chance of making the playoffs is low, but you never know—sometimes a good draft can turn things around quickly.
9. The Shuttlecocks
Projected Record: 4-10
Playoff Odds: 2%
Champion Odds: <1%The Shuttlecocks have Patrick Mahomes under center and a promising WR in Jaxon Smith-Njigba, but their overall roster depth leaves a lot to be desired. Their 2% chance of making the playoffs and <1% chance of winning the championship reflect their uphill battle this season. They’ll need to make some moves and hope for major breakouts if they want to be a threat.
10. Loud and Stroud
Projected Record: 4-10
Playoff Odds: 2%
Champion Odds: <1%Loud and Stroud, the new kid on the block, enters the season with improved odds. With C.J. Stroud and Caleb Williams leading the way, the future looks promising. This year, however, might be more about developing their young stars. Their 2% playoff odds reflect the fact that this year will likely be more about development than contention. The future is bright, though, as they continue to build for the long term.
11. Throwing Shade for Cade!
Projected Record: 3-11
Playoff Odds: 1%
Champion Odds: <1%Throwing Shade for Cade! is a team in transition, with solid pieces like Kenneth Walker III and Omarion Hampton. However, their 1% playoff odds and less than 1% chance of winning the championship mean they’re focused on rebuilding for the future. This season is about development, but don’t expect too much immediate success.
12. Little Kyler Big Energy
Projected Record: 3-11
Playoff Odds: <1%
Champion Odds: <1%And at the bottom of the rankings, Little Kyler Big Energy has a <1% chance of making the playoffs, but they’re in full rebuild mode. If Kyler Murray stays healthy and Sam LaPorta and Colston Loveland can make a leap, they’ll have something to build on in the future. But for now, it’s a tough road ahead.
2025 Season Outlook:
The 2025 season is shaping up to be one of the most competitive in the history of the League of Incredible Assholes. Young Love is the favorite, but with strong teams like No Picks No Problems, Chasing Love, and Guinness Geniuses, anything can happen. The playoff race will be tight, and while some teams might be rebuilding, don’t count them out for future seasons. Get ready for another year full of drama, big trades, and some unexpected twists!
Projected standings are based on FantasyPros' 2025 projections.